


Take My Hand

by shinysylver



Category: Supernatural
Genre: African Dream Root, Dreamwalking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, First Kiss, Getting Together, Holding Hands, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Episode: s11e18 Hell's Angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:17:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6528907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysylver/pseuds/shinysylver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's determined to rescue Cas no matter what it takes. Even if it means being honest about his emotions for once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take My Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to somehowunbroken for beta-ing this even though they don't have any interest in Supernatural. :D
> 
> This is set shortly after episode 11.18 Hell's Angel. Basically I have a lot of feelings about Cas right now and wondered what would happen if Dean went into his mind the way Crowley did. This is what I came up with.

  
_Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine  
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time_  
\- "Open Your Eyes" by Snow Patrol

"How do you even know this will work?" Sam asked. "Cas isn't actually asleep. And even if he was, do angels even dream?"

Dean aimed the flashlight at the bed and got down close so that he could see better. "Rowena thinks she managed to alter the recipe. Either way I've gotta try, and this is the best idea I've got." He moved on to the pillow where he finally found what he was looking for. "Aha!"

He held up the short strand of dark hair so that Sam could see it. Rowena had altered the Dream Tea, but DNA was still the key component, and Dean had guessed that there'd be some hair on Cas' bed in the Bunker. Now that he had his Grace back, Cas didn't need to sleep, but he did use his bed to watch Netflix. 

Sam looked resigned as he held out the ziploc bag for Dean to put it in. "I don't like it. There are too many variables. Even assuming Rowena doesn't backstab us, you'll be stuck inside there with Lucifer. You know you can't come out unless Cas takes back control."

"I know." 

"But you _can_ die," Sam continued. "If Lucifer kills you in there, you'll die out here too."

"Not gonna happen," Dean said. He took the bag from Sam and headed toward the kitchen and Rowena's foul smelling concoction. It definitely smelt worse than the standard Dream Tea, which was surprisingly pleasant aside from the hair. "Cas won't let that happen."

"Crowley told us what he saw there. How do you know you can reach him?"

"I just do." 

It hadn't taken much arm twisting to get Crowley to tell them everything that happened when he'd possessed Cas. Crowley wanted to be rid of Lucifer almost as much as Dean wanted to save Cas. 

"Just because he showed interest when Crowley mentioned you--" 

Dean slammed his hand down on the counter. "I'm going and that's final." He took a calming breath and tried to soften his voice. "I'll be fine."

"I'd feel better if I was going too," Sam said quietly.

"You know that isn't an option. Someone has to stay out here and make sure the world doesn't end while I talk some sense into Cas." 

Sam sighed and gave a resigned nod. Dean didn't blame Sam for being worried. It wasn't exactly their best plan. Assuming Rowena's potion even worked, he was going to have to dreamwalk Cas while avoiding Lucifer. And once he was there, his life was in Cas' hands. 

It would hardly be the first time he bet everything on the angel.

Dean turned his attention to the bubbling pot and carefully placed Cas' hair in the center. As soon as he did the liquid shimmered and started glowing the same blue as Cas' Grace. "I'd say that's a good sign?"

"It definitely did _something_ ," Sam said doubtfully. He did hand Dean a mug though, which Dean took as a rousing endorsement of the plan.

Dean ladled out a cup's worth and headed back to his room, Sam following. 

"If you do get him to expel Lucifer, you realize Lucifer will just manipulate some poor person into being his vessel?" Sam asked.

"I know," Dean replied. "But he'll be weaker. There aren't many options for an archangel seeking a vessel. It'll give us time to take him out."

"I hope you're right."

"I usually am." Dean smirked at him even though he felt anything but confident. There just wasn't a better option and they couldn't wait, because the longer Lucifer had free reign, the harder it would be to get him out. Besides, Dean would rather focus on this than think about the hopeless situation with the Darkness. At least there was a chance to save Cas.

With that in mind, Dean gulped the foul liquid down.

***

Dean opened his eyes and found himself in the Bunker kitchen. It looked identical to the actual kitchen and for a moment he thought something had gone wrong until he saw Cas sitting in front of a small TV. 

"Cas?"

Cas didn't even look up, his eyes glued to the glowing screen. 

" _Cas!_ " Dean yelled. 

Cas glanced at him before returning his attention to the TV. "Please be quiet, Dean."

So Crowley hadn't been exaggerating. A part of Dean had held out hope that if he showed up Cas would immediately snap out of it. Apparently it wasn't going to be that easy.

He stepped closer to Cas. The angel looked tired. His coat was more wrinkled than usual and there were dark bags under his eyes. 

"Cas, look at me." Nothing. "I need you to look at me!"

When that didn't receive a response, he gave into his frustration and swept the offending TV off of the counter. It made a satisfying crash when it hit the ground. 

Cas glared at him, which was at least a real emotional reaction. Unfortunately he immediately bent over and retrieved the TV. 

"We don't have time for this, Cas. Lucifer is going to figure out I'm here soon."

Cas tilted his head as if he was listening to something. "I doubt it. He's still nursing his wounds." 

Dean wanted to ask about that, but he had more important things to worry about. Like the fact that Cas was tapping the side of the TV and adjusting the antennas, trying to get it to work. 

"Cas, listen to me," Dean moved right next to Cas, trying unsuccessfully to get between him and the TV. "You need to take advantage of his weakness and cast him out now while you can."

"It'll be fine, Dean. Lucifer will defeat the Darkness," Cas said absently while he fiddled with the channel knobs.

"He already tried!" Dean shouted. "It didn't work. We need you back."

The TV turned back on and any headway he'd made disappeared entirely. Cas rested his chin in the palm of his hand as he leaned forward, completely absorbed in the television.

"What the hell are you watching, anyway?" Dean asked. He moved around behind Cas and looked over his shoulder. 

Dean was surprised to see himself on the screen. He was at a diner with Sam. They both looked so happy and relaxed as they laughed about something. He wracked his brain, but couldn't remember ever being in that diner before. 

The scene changed and he was in the Bunker's garage, working on the Impala's engine. There was a full cooler of beer at his feet and even without sound he could tell that there was music blaring. It was a scene that could have happened, but Dean doubted it. He looked too damned cheerful and most of the time he worked on the car when he was upset. 

The scenes kept changing, but they were all similar. Dean featured in each of them and they were all happy. Sometimes Sam appeared, but it was usually just Dean. In one he was eating a slice of pie, a small smile on his face. In another he was driving his baby into the sunset. 

One thing was missing, though. None of the scenes had Cas. 

Dean rested his hand on Cas' shoulder. "Where are you? Cas, why aren't you in any of these?"

"You don't need me," Cas said absently. "You'll be happier when I'm gone."

That sounded ominous. Dean squeezed Cas' shoulder, not sure if he was trying to get his attention or just reassure himself that Cas was still here for now. "That's not possible." 

"Can't you see?" Cas asked. He gestured at the TV. "You're happy."

"That's not real," Dean said firmly. He needed to get through to Cas and apparently the TV was the only way to do it. He took a deep breath and hoped that the African Dream Root would give him power here the way it did in human dreams. 

Dean closed his eyes and brought up memories that he'd struggled to bury for years. When he opened his eyes the TV screen flickered, and instead of the fake happy Dean, there was a real scene from not long after Cas had been killed by the Leviathan. 

The Dean on screen was most of the way through a bottle of whiskey and had clearly checked out of life. The screen flickered again and again showing scene after scene of loneliness and depression. Sometimes Sam appeared, and they would argue before Dean retreated to his ever present bottle.

"That's what I was like when I thought you were dead," Dean said quietly. It was hard to watch himself at such a miserable low. He'd truly lost all hope that year and things hadn't even started to look up until he'd found Cas. 

He closed his eyes again and concentrated. This time he brought up a scene of he and Cas together. He focused on a memory where he had actually been happy--even if only for a moment--unlike the fake memories Cas had been watching. 

Dean watched himself laughing the night he'd taken Cas to the brothel. There hadn't been much to laugh about during the apocalypse, and yet in that moment he looked worry-free. That night had been terrifying as they waited to take on Raphael, but spending the time with Cas had been fun. "That was the hardest I'd laughed in years. You make me laugh."

Cas tilted his head and studied the screen closely. Dean took that as a good sign and continued, this time bringing up all of the moments when he'd leaned on Cas. The times when Cas had sat silently by his side or had laid a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "No one else understands me like you do."

"Sam…"

"Is my brother," Dean finished for Cas. "He gets me in other ways, but Cas, I need you both."

"But why?" Cas asked. He sounded lost as he watched the Dean on the screen hug him in Purgatory. 

Dean didn't know what else he could do. He'd told Cas time and time again that he was family and that Dean _needed_ him. That need was a constant in his life, but he didn't know how to make Cas believe it. 

He felt that need desperately and no matter how hard he tried to put Cas in the "brother" category with Sam it never quite fit. Maybe it was time he was honest with himself as well as Cas--after all, both of their lives were depending on him breaking through to Cas. Besides, watching their story play out onscreen was making it hard to deny his own feelings, and he was a hell of a lot better at taking action than using his words. 

"Oh, fuck it." Dean spun Cas around and pressed his lips to Cas' chapped ones. If Cas' complete focus on Dean and his happiness was any indication, his feelings weren't unrequited. 

Cas was completely rigid at first, but Dean knew him well enough by now to give him a moment. Sure enough he got with the program and tentatively placed his hands on Dean's waist and returned the kiss. 

"Well, isn't this touching?"

Cas pulled away from Dean, immediately moving so that his body was between Dean and Lucifer. He was alert and focused for the first time since Dean had entered his mind. It figured that protecting Dean would snap Cas out of his apathy faster than anything else. 

Dean liked to think the kiss had helped. 

Lucifer was leaning against the doorjamb, his arms crossed over his chest. "I thought for sure we were in for at least two more seasons of will they/won't they before you two lovebirds got it together." He smirked at them. "It's too bad you won't live long enough to make it Facebook official."

"Cas, you have to expel him!" Dean shouted. 

Cas glared at Lucifer, his eyes glowing blue. "Get out!"

Lucifer pushed off the wall and walked into the room. "I don't think so." He waved dismissively at Cas. "Why don't you go back to your TV show, and I'll take care of Dean."

Cas froze up and Dean could tell he was fighting the suggestion. Dean reached forward and took Cas' hand, threading their fingers together. "Come on, Cas. You can do this. I know you can."

"I'm not strong enough." Cas sounded dejected. "He's an archangel."

"And you're a fucking Winchester!" Dean squeezed Cas' hand. "We defy the odds every damn day."

Cas gave him a long searching look before nodding once. "Close your eyes, Dean."

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, but he couldn't completely block out the painful white light that was Cas's true form. He could feel Cas all around him, expanding outward, and in the distance he could hear Lucifer scream. 

Throughout it all he never let go of Cas' hand.

***

Dean gasped and sat straight up in his bed. 

"Dean!" Sam jumped up from the chair he'd been sitting in. "Are you okay?"

There were still streaks and sparkles dancing across his vision from Cas' true form and he rubbed at his eyes to clear the afterimage. "Yeah. Cas did it."

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and set it on the bed waiting. As soon as he was able to, Cas would call. 

"That's great," Sam said. "But how?"

Dean shrugged. "He's a Winchester. We have a habit of doing the impossible."

An unfamiliar number with a Nebraska area code flashed up on his phone as it started vibrating. Dean snatched it up and answered it. "Get your feathery ass home!"

"I don't have a car." Cas sounded irritated and it made Dean smile. He'd missed that, and boy did he have it bad if Cas' annoyed voice made him smile. 

"Remember how to hotwire one?" Dean asked. 

"Yes. Although I hate stealing cars."

"Worry about it later," Dean said. "There's no telling when Lucifer will get a new vessel and you'll be target number one." He hesitated before continuing in a softer voice. "And I want you home."

Cas' reply was equally soft. "I'm on my way."

Dean hung up the phone and did his best to ignore Sam's knowing look. 

"Anything you want to tell me?" Sam finally asked when Dean wouldn't even meet his eyes.

There was no real point in keeping this from Sam. He'd find out eventually anyway since there was no way Dean was going to cram his feelings for Cas back into the box. It wouldn't be fair to Cas.

"Cas might be moving in here." Dean patted his beloved memory foam mattress. "It's big enough for two."

Sam pursed his lips. "Okay."

"Okay?" Dean repeated. "I told you I was going to be shacking up with a man and all I get is 'okay'?"

Sam shrugged. "It's _Cas_. Your relationship has always been extremely close."

"I need a beer." Dean stood up abruptly. He'd told Sam enough. It was one thing to be honest and another thing to talk about feelings and crap like he was on The View. "And we are never talking about this again."

Sam smirked. "It's going to be hard to avoid with the two of you--how did you put it? Shacking up?"

Dean ignored Sam's laughter as he retreated to the kitchen.

***

Many beers later, Dean was sitting up waiting for Cas when the Bunker door finally opened. Thankfully Sam had gone to bed hours earlier so he didn't witness the way Dean threw himself at Cas.

He blamed the alcohol.

This time there was no hesitation as Cas returned his hug. He held Dean close, his face buried in Dean's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Just don't leave me again," Dean whispered. 

"Never."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are much appreciated.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [shinysylver!](http://shinysylver.tumblr.com/)


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